I am a big fan of a bulge! There is something very distracting about seeing someone’s bulge. You know the cock is there and yet it’s being held back so you can’t quite see it. I am mesmerised by my partners bulge, especially when he is wearing his gorgeous black with white trim CKs. We can be discussing something really important but if he is wearing them then my brain immediately empties and my focus is on that bulge.
But I digress, I wasn’t planning on discussing his bulge, that probably tells you how distracting it is!
I was going to talk about my bulge. Clearly mine isn’t factory installed, it’s a packer.
This is something that’s very new to me and I’ve only shared with a couple of trusted friends. This past year, being at home, has allowed me to truly be me and not fit into a mould of what I’m ‘supposed’ to be. One of those things has been the ability of exploring my gender and what that means to me.
Using a packer has been in the back of my mind for a while but I didn’t know if it was really me or if it was just me fitting into another mould. So I left it and thought about it and left it and thought a bit more. What sort should I go for? Once I can piss through or just a plain one? What size should I get? Then I was putting an order in for a couple of toys and saw a cheap packer which found its way into my basket. In the end I just went for a small one without the piss hole because I though a cock would be tricky enough without adding any further complications!
Then it arrived. I left it in it’s wrapper for a bit so I could just look at it. Before unwrapping it to see how it felt an acted in my hands.
The thing with gender is it’s hard. It’s a complex set of mainly societal structures that in some ways are meaningless but in other ways are very meaningful and very nuanced. Not fitting into those norms is difficult to process but watching a partner go through it is also very difficult.
When I met my partner he saw me as a cis woman and I hadn’t given it too much thought that I was anything but. I didn’t fit the mould but it was what it was. He has stuck by me through lots of ups and downs over the years, I am still me, I just identify differently and he’s cool with that. However, he isn’t into cock which is also cool, although I will always tease him he’s missing out!But me getting a packer was something that was tricky for him to process, it came up in a few conversations but he went quiet and didn’t really know what to say.
Then it arrived and I knew I had to get him to engage with it so I understood where we all are. So me being me and very subtle, I gently threw it at him so he had to catch it. We had a long conversation that evening, he told me his thoughts and I told him mine. It wasn’t easy for both of us and I did fear I may end up losing him. Did I make a huge mistake, was this a step too far for us?
“Mistakes are the portals of discovery.”
James Joyce
Turns out we were going to be ok. I know he won’t find it a turn on, I didn’t expect that to be the case and I’m wary not to rub it in his face, so to speak. He is incredibly supportive. It’s not a sex thing for me, it’s a gender thing. That said having something rubbing against your mound definitely arouses me and feeling my bulge is very hot.
It also doesn’t come without its tricky moments. There have been times I’ve forgotten about it until I’ve heard the slap on the floor when I’ve gone to the toilet. At least it was a slap on the floor and not a splash!
Then there are times the underwear I’m wearing that day restrict my use of it. I honestly have no idea how penis owners were pretty lacy panties without their cock and balls falling out because that’s exactly what mine kept doing!
So many battles to face. Gender, to pack or not to pack and finally how to contain it! But all in all, I love my bulge. Do you?
Madam Mayhem
Well isn’t your blog just a delicious little find? I have to say, even though I’m a bi-curious ciswoman, I’ve fantasised about being a man and the sense of power that comes with wielding equipment. I’ve pegged partners and it makes me feel so dominant. Just reading your account of wearing a packer and imagining wearing one myself has got me a little worked up. I might need to explore this for myself…thank you for introducing the idea to me! x
Lilly
OMG! I had no idea that was a real thing.
Now I’m really intrigued!
Luv Bunny
An interesting (and dare I say it, entertaining!) post, Sub Bee 🙂
It’s great you’ve been able to reflect on your gender, and what it means to you to be able to explore this part of your identity.
Also, amazing to have the full support of your partner, whilst you both experiment with your new toy bulge. Enjoy!
LittleSwitchBitch
Ooooh, look at you! Utter fire, Bee! A very delicious shot and I hope we get to see more of you and your bulge x
Oh and that bit about that splat on the floor made me giggle… I am loving reading about your journey x
Victoria Blisse
Gorgeous bulge. And here’s some love and encouragement for your gender journey. <3
Starcross
Congratulations on having such an honest, healthy relationship. A partner who lets you explore who you are, and who can listen and talk about their feelings, is a truly valuable partner. I do like your bulge and I do empathise with you containment issues when it comes to skimpy underwear!
Molly
So the bit about it popping out when you go the toilet and bits escaping from your pants actually made me laugh. I could actually picture that and your face when it happened.
I am glad that this year has given you the chance to really explore your gender. Silver linings are good things right now. Also… nice bulge!
Molly
Silverdom
Your bulge is awesome!
I wish you and Himself the best with processing all this.