The lion, the wank and the wardrobe

Is having a danger wank my kind of thing? This one is a categorical no for me. To unpick that let’s first work out what a danger wank is, then I’ll explain why it’s not for me,

Danger wank – having a wank in close proximity to someone in authority, ie a parent, boss etc, who could potentially catch you in the act. The idea is to achieve an orgasm in the short time before you get caught.

Firstly, for me wanking is a fun experience. I want to ride waves of pleasure and that’s not going to happen if I knock one out quickly. Sure, there are times when needs must have, just to relieve the stress etc. But I like a long drawn out process, I like getting to the edge and coming back down again. Then maybe getting back to the edge again and holding it there for a while. Once I’ve built myself up over time, the orgasm is so much better than a quickie.

But there is another reason too. And this one stems from when I was probably twelve or thirteen, I can’t really recall. I had discovered how good my body feels as I moved my hands over myself and discovered the power of my clit.

One day I was in my bedroom alone, I was sure nobody else was around so I took the opportunity and let my hands wander. Unfortunately I was so lost in me I didn’t see my mother walk into my bedroom, until I saw the horrified look on her face. I was mortified and wanted to hide away but she stood there in front of me and raged at me. That was made worse when a few days later she approached me again and told me she’d discussed the matter with my father and if they ever caught me doing that again I’d be taken to a therapist.

Needless to say all that had a big impact on me. An impact that has lasted until now and will continue in the future.

It took me a long time to get over that initial shame but eventually I did. But it also told me I needed to be more sneaky. I was no longer allowed to close my bedroom door so you’d think I’d learn to wank in the shower instead, wouldn’t you? Nope, that didn’t work for me so instead I would climb into my wardrobe and close that door behind me instead. And that’s what I did for years, hide in a wardrobe to wank.

Whilst I no longer do that, I still hide away. Luckily not in a wardrobe anymore but that may have a lot to do with the quality of wardrobes I had an a younger adult, they were too small and too fragile so I had to quite literally come out of the closet! Still, I cannot orgasm alone unless I’m hiding under the duvet, I have to be covered somehow in order to relax.

It impacts me when I’m with partners too. I’m fine if I’m being fucked but being asked to masturbate for them makes me shut down. I can go through the motions but there is no outcome for me, I’m just a performing seal hoping that they enjoy the show. But it turns out I’m not a great actor, they know my heart isn’t in it and whilst they’re sad they can’t watch something that is hot, they understand and respect how hard it is for me.

Just imagine the stress I felt in 2020 when lockdown occurred. We obviously had no idea how long it would go on for, did this mean I wasn’t able to have a wank. Well initially yes but as time went on this wasn’t practical so I had to let my partner know when I was going for a wank and he had to remain on another floor of the house.

I am getting better, he did once come up one morning whilst I was having a wank, he realised what I was doing and left me to it. It was a while later before he told me by which time all I could do was shrug my shoulders. He gave me the distance I needed and that is exactly what I needed. Maybe one day I’ll be able to let a partner watch but that day isn’t any time soon.

So a danger wank really isn’t for me. Give me a long luxurious wank any day and don’t make me fear being judged for something that is, or should be, natural.