This is going to be one of those rambling posts where I try to make sense of the feelings in my head. It may not make any sense to you because it probably doesn’t make sense to me either.
I want to make it clear that I’m only talking about me here, this is my feelings about me and who I am.
I was hoping a post about lace would be easy to write, all I needed to do was wiggle my arse in front of the camera in some lace panties, right? Actually no, it bubbled so many feelings up to the surface.
I don’t particularly like labels because I’m too big and squishy to fit neatly into a box. So I generally call myself queer because I don’t feel like I fit anywhere. That’s both in terms of my sexuality and my gender.
That’s where things become cloudy in my head. I’m lucky, I don’t have body dysmorphia, I mean I may not like my wobbly bits but that’s as far as it goes. Call my cunt my cunt, my tits my tits and my clit my clit, although calling it my little dick is also kinda hot.
Also, what pronouns you use don’t bother me, I’ve had mine for forty years and I’m too old, set in my ways or lazy to consider any changes. Tell me I’ve been a good girl and I’m going to be grinning but tell me I’ve been a good boi and fuuuuccckkk, I’ve melted into a puddle.
Since shaving my hair a couple of years ago I realised how much more like me I feel, I don’t want to go back to hiding behind long hair again. I generally present myself in a more masculine way. Seeing me in a skirt is a bit of a rarity, I much prefer to live in jeans etc. Growing up I was forced to wear dresses, I HATED it. I was a tomboy and spent my time climbing trees and playing football so being put in a dress was the worst.
I’m generally much happier in who I am when I’m in boy shorts and dungarees. If I’m at home I won’t be wearing a bra either, if I’m out and about then I have to so I can hide my nipples away from the cool breeze or icy air conditioning. You won’t generally find me in pink either, there’s one or two exceptions to the rule, come back next week for one of them.
I digressed a long way from lace didn’t I, let me get back on track a bit. I love how lacy panties look on other people, they’re pretty, delicate and sexy but I feel uncomfortable wearing them. Which brings me back round to the thing that cuts me really deep. Since cutting my hair and being able to express myself as being me, so many people have stopped telling me I look sexy. I feel as if I should conform, grow my hair, stop wearing the cute but comfortable clothes and revert to lacy underwear just to make other appreciate me because who doesn’t like being told their hot.
I don’t know what direction this will go in. Do I stay being who I’m happy with or do I have to revert to wearing lace to make others happy. It hurts my head and the confusion all feels a bit pants!
Alethea Hunt
I love your post… it is so similar to my feelings…and looking at the comments we’re not alone. Funny how lace has brought this to the surface. I especially like the way you talk about pronouns. Again, this completely mirrors the way I feel. I’ve spent years curating an expected “middle aged female professional” exterior to be acceptable and but its taken even longer to realise that who I know me to be under it all, however I choose to self label it, is what matters. You voice really resonates in this piece, and it doesn’t hurt at all that you look gorgeous in those lacy pants. x
Floss
Your post really stuck with me Bee and hopefully, you won’t mind that I’m going to give it a mention in my own KOTW post. I would be curious to see a photo of an underwear/clothing combo that you do feel great in, I for sure think lots of us would see it as sexy. For a start, you mentioned dungarees and quite frankly dungarees and nothing else? Totally hot, maybe not suitable for the weekly shop, but I wouldn’t kick you out of bed if that’s what you wore to seduce me :p You do you Bee it’s the bestest way x
DeviantSuccubus
Bee, I am sorry to hear that others are unable to appreciate the way you feel most comfortable and yourself. I think people are still very much conditioned by heteronormative society, which makes it hard for them to see beauty in things that break the “norms” of gendered beauty. Hopefully things will improve with time, and in many places they already have, but to break old ideals is hard.
In the end, it is all about what you feel prettiest/handsomest in, what you think looks good on you, what you think is sexy for yourself. It is your life, your choices. I personally find a buzzcut hot on almost everyone,, no matter gender or gender identity. So I am sure you look hawt 😀
I like the knickers you are wearing. But I can understand that they don’t make you feel the way they are expected to. And that is okay too.
slave sindee
i love how you have rambled and yet expressed yourself very well.
i will tell you, i love who you are and you, have a cute boi arse that looks lovely the lace is wonderful on you.
Personally, i have felt the same way you do only opposite. i present as a male, father, grandpa and boss. Never told i am sexy but when i wear my heels, hose ,skirts and falsies, that’s what i hear. Also when some class me Mrs from behind because of my long hair i get that warm feeling. And when a fellow blogger calls me girlfriend or sister my smile grows.
So as many of our fellow bloggers have said We love sub-Bee because she loves being herself.
be yourself and be happy present the way that makes You happy
Enjoy life be safe
Violet
Being who you are and having courage and conviction to do so is THE SEXIEST thing, ever! You’re so lovely and very sexy and I’m sorry that you doubt that. We love you just as you are and if it’s all the same, loads of us would be happy to see you in anything, or nothing, so long as you feel like you. Xo
Francesca Demont
We love you just the way you are. Perfect.
Bambi Biohazard
Gender is such a broad thing that as long as you’re happy and comfortable that’s all that matters. And I’ve shaved my head, twice actually, and it is one of the most empowering things I ever did. And it’s so sexy on a woman. If it wasn’t for my love of hair pulling I’d probably cut all of mine off again.
And you look great in lace, but if you prefer being out of it then you go for it!
Muse
Beautiful. But I hope you continue to be you, and present in the way that makes you happy x
NPE
Happy is sexy
elliott
I love how lacy panties look on you.
Isabelle Lauren
I love that picture and I love the words even more. It’s so difficult, isn’t it? People always say, “Be who you want to be”, but it isn’t always that simple. Yes, of course you should be yourself and be the way you are most comfortable. But validation from others is also so powerful and satisfying. Changing who you are so that people tell you you’re sexy isn’t all about conforming to others’ standards. It’s also about making yourself feel better through the words and compliments of others. Being yourself is very important, but receiving compliments is hugely satisfying. And if you can only choose one, it’s a difficult choice sometimes.
I feel like I’m rambling, but I understand where you’re coming from and I hope you are able to make a choice that makes you the happiest.
I really love that lacy underwear by the way. I love the way lace looks, but never like wearing it (except to dress up for sex) as it’s so scratchy!
Krystal
What a gorgeous bum in some beautiful lace!
Molly
You my friend are most definitely sexy. I am sad now that the last time I saw you in person I didn’t tell you that because you looked sexy in that outfit and those socks.
Molly
LittleSwitchBitch
I was a complete tomboy in school and played hurling, well camogie and loved to be in trees. I too prefer to be in comfy clothes however, I will admit to liking dresses… usually not the flouncy pretty ones though.
Regards hair – I think you are beautiful with your short hair. Honestly, I think it really suits you. I loved having mine short yet everyone tells me it doesn’t suit me so I opted to grow it back. I pin it full time so really it doesn’t matter which way I wear it. It isn’t really a big deal to me though whether I have it long or short.
Judging the way you have said above it seems to me like you are answering your own questions. Be you, Bee! Fuck anyone else!!!!!
And getting back to the post, I think your butt looks absolutely smoking hot in the lace knickers so maybe you need to start posting more lacy pics so we can all tell you how fucking sexy you are!! <3
Joanne Summers
You look amazing in this pic, I was a tomboy too in my younger years. Always be the “you” that makes you happy. You are an amazing person and I think you look fantastic in lace and no doubt you look equally as fantastic in anything.
Please keep sharing your pics as you always put a smile on others faces for the right reasons. Keep your head down and stay safe xx
Silverdom
You look sexy. And, when The Plague passes and the Great Pause is over, perhaps I can say so to your face over a nice cup of tea/coffee/soda/pint.
In the meantime, I hope you can find a way to stay true to who you are, which is an awesome and sexy person.
PS. Silverdrop loves being called a “Good boi!” too. 🙂
Modesty Ablaze
Oh ALWAYS stay happy with being who you are !!!
And you don’t have to wear lace, or anything special to be hot (in fact, I find that not wearing anything can be especially hot!!!)
But being who WE are, and being HAPPY with who we are, generally makes those around us, and those we love, happy too !!!
Xxx – K
Oh, but, P.S. – Your lacey bottom does look rather lovely! LOL !!!