I feel like I’m lost. I’m a complete contrast to who I once was and that makes me feel sad and even more lost.
My body seems to be moving into its perimenopausal phase, which is actually quite difficult to explain because lots of the symptoms are similar to that of my PCOS.
But the one symptom that makes me sadder than any is losing my sex drive but I’m not entirely sure that I have. It’s more that everything is now sore. They say vaginal dryness is a thing but that’s not actually what this is, I’m not dry just sore. Yes I use more lube than in the past but that doesn’t make any different to the soreness. This week I went for my smear and for the first time ever it was beyond sore and bordering on painful, a new experience for me.
Clearly this means sex is just more tricky. If things aren’t comfortable then I’m less likely to want sex. And when I do it needs to be far more gentle, which is again a contrast to the kind of sex I like. I need hard and fast so not being able to have that type of sex is frustrating to say the least. Clearly any type is good for connection but I want my brain fucked too, to really get off on it.
I have spoken to a few doctors at my surgery over the past year but each have said the same thing. I’m not in my fifties and I still have periods so there’s nothing that can be done at this stage, other than providing antidepressants. That is NOT going to happen. I’m not depressed, just sad that I’m not who I was and a big part of my life is now missing.
I’m unsure if a sex blogger who can’t have sex is a contrast or a conundrum. But essentially that’s a big part of why I hardly post any more. I just have nothing sexy to say when I don’t feel sexy.