As I no longer needed birth control I had a decision to make. Do I continue with it to control my periods with my implant? Although that was clearly not happening currently and I’d have to see my doctor again to try a different option. Or do I try to go without hormones to see how that left me.
I spent quite a bit of time researching and asking around to get different opinions. My gut feeling was to try and go without birth control, just to give my body a break. I’d been taking hormonal birth control for over 25 years, I felt it was time to go without and give myself that break.
It was a scary step, I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to cope with my periods, I mean they get worse as you get older and they were terrible in my teens. I decided to get it removed and give it 6 months and then reassess.
It took me a year from when my partner had his vasectomy until I finally plucked up courage to see the nurse who would be removing my implant, only to discover she wasn’t available for over two months. Now that control had been taken away from me I wanted that thing out of my arm! Luckily when I asked again a few weeks later an appointment was available in a couple of weeks. It did mean I’d have to take a day off sick but so be it.
I was a little nervous about the removal, it was fine going in but I didn’t know how easy it would be to come out. In fact it was incredibly quick, a bit of local anaesthesia, a quick cut and a push. I had to book a half hour appointment but I was out of the room in under 5 minutes! I was really surprised it came out clean and white rather than covered in blood.
The nurse then said something that really pissed me off “here you go, I’ll put it in a little pot so you can take home and present it to your boyfriend, he’ll be so excited you can start trying for a baby. But be warned, at your age it might take longer”. Firstly, the heteronormative assumption that I have a boyfriend, secondly I don’t have a boyfriend because I’m not 15, finally once again with the assumption I’m female ergo I want children.
I expected a withdrawal bleed in about a week but I was already suffering painful breasts at the time it was being removed. The nurses comment really didn’t help with the PMS, I was raging by the time I got home followed quickly by tears. I had to assume I’d have my period and the withdrawal bleed in combination.
Within a week I no longer felt terrible about myself. It’s like a fog has been lifted from my brain. No more feeling down about everything, no more sitting in tears for no particular reason, no more hating myself and most importantly no more suicidal thoughts. Was it the hormones that had caused all that? I’d put it all down to being bullied. Maybe it was a combination of both?
It’s now been nine months since I’ve had it removed, it can take up to a year for periods to settle into a normal pattern, whatever that is. Whilst I had the implant it was mainly clots I was shedding now I have a combination of blood and clots.
For the first few months they were very heavy, I often flood and the first couple of days I go through a super plus extra tampon every hour. I decided to go back to see a doctor when I woke up in my hotel room on the Saturday of Eroticon feeling wet between my legs. My thighs and even stomach covered in blood and I’d soaked the sheets. I’d normally keep it away from my partner, not letting him be in the bathroom when I change my tampon etc. Now there was no disguising the scene. I also had to leave the sheets exposed so the cleaners could change them. I felt so embarrassed, getting someone else to clean up my mess.
However when my appointment came around I explained that my mental health had been better so I did
n’t want any hormonal birth control again but is there anything else I can do. Her response was I needed a mirena coil. *sigh* I’m not sure what part of I don’t want hormones again wasn’t clear but I once again emphasised the negative impact on my mental health. So she dismissed me with a prescription for transgenic acid instead.
I’ve only taken it for one month and things seem better. It maybe that my periods really are just settling down so I’ll see how it goes over the next few months. I seem to have a more regular cycle now, anywhere between 20 and 35 days. My symptoms vary from month to month, if I have excruciatingly painful breasts I know my period will be light but if I have no symptoms then my period will be heavy. Sometimes the bloating is so bad I can’t fit into my jeans but that’s only for a day or so. I also know I’ll flood on either day two or three so I make sure I have supplies with me and try to be somewhere I have access to a toilet every hour.
I’m now an advocate of going without hormonal birth control if you can. It won’t be right for everyone because we’re all different. Periods are definitely pants but improved mental health has to be worth putting up with them for.
Read part one here
Read part two here
Read part three here
Read part four here