I have always been a bit of an oddball, never fitting in no matter where I am. I’m not sure any of us really feel like we’re fitting in with those around us but growing up without friends is always tough.
That feeling never left me, even as an adult until seven years ago when I found the sex blogging community. I finally found my people. Or at least I thought I had.
But even here, I don’t really fit in. I’m not attractive enough and I’m definitely not femme enough to fit in. That’s definitely been very evident with the interactions I have with others in the community. I stopped trying to be something I’m not in the last year and started being me. And with that change came the rejections, loss of friends and vast reduction of blog views and interactions.
I always knew I sat on the periphery of the community because I’m not a true writer. I’m not articulate enough and fiction writing just leaves me cold. But I also found I had to not share some of my views for fear of being shut down. It follows that I had toyed with not sharing my views on sapiosexuality but I decided most people wouldn’t read this, so why not!
“The day I changed was the day I quit trying to fit into a world that never really fit me”
JM Storm
Sapiosexual – someone who is sexually attracted to highly intelligent people
I find the term both elitist and very ableist. What classes as intelligence? Is it academic intelligence, is it creative intelligence or is it emotional intelligence? These are all very different things and not everyone has any of those things and even fewer people have them all. It means only being interested in people with the same cultural experiences as your own and that to me feels very closed minded.
One example I frequently see, and it never fails to disappoint me when I do, is when I hear people being judged on not having enough, or even the right, books on their bookshelves. There are many ways to read books other than having physical books, be it using an e-reader or listening to audible books. Not having a book shelf is not an indicator of intelligence! It maybe a lack of physical space or it maybe down to someone having dyslexia and find words hard to focus on. And yet that same person maybe able to paint the most beautiful portrait.
Whilst there is never any room for those that hold transphobic, racist or misogynistic etc views. It always makes me sad to see communities driving a wedge between each other for differences we should be celebrating.
My views may make me an oddball but I would rather be an oddball and be true to myself and beliefs than fit into a world that doesn’t fit me.