I have always been a bit of an oddball, never fitting in no matter where I am. I’m not sure any of us really feel like we’re fitting in with those around us but growing up without friends is always tough.
That feeling never left me, even as an adult until seven years ago when I found the sex blogging community. I finally found my people. Or at least I thought I had.
But even here, I don’t really fit in. I’m not attractive enough and I’m definitely not femme enough to fit in. That’s definitely been very evident with the interactions I have with others in the community. I stopped trying to be something I’m not in the last year and started being me. And with that change came the rejections, loss of friends and vast reduction of blog views and interactions.
I always knew I sat on the periphery of the community because I’m not a true writer. I’m not articulate enough and fiction writing just leaves me cold. But I also found I had to not share some of my views for fear of being shut down. It follows that I had toyed with not sharing my views on sapiosexuality but I decided most people wouldn’t read this, so why not!
“The day I changed was the day I quit trying to fit into a world that never really fit me”
JM Storm
Sapiosexual – someone who is sexually attracted to highly intelligent people
I find the term both elitist and very ableist. What classes as intelligence? Is it academic intelligence, is it creative intelligence or is it emotional intelligence? These are all very different things and not everyone has any of those things and even fewer people have them all. It means only being interested in people with the same cultural experiences as your own and that to me feels very closed minded.
One example I frequently see, and it never fails to disappoint me when I do, is when I hear people being judged on not having enough, or even the right, books on their bookshelves. There are many ways to read books other than having physical books, be it using an e-reader or listening to audible books. Not having a book shelf is not an indicator of intelligence! It maybe a lack of physical space or it maybe down to someone having dyslexia and find words hard to focus on. And yet that same person maybe able to paint the most beautiful portrait.
Whilst there is never any room for those that hold transphobic, racist or misogynistic etc views. It always makes me sad to see communities driving a wedge between each other for differences we should be celebrating.
My views may make me an oddball but I would rather be an oddball and be true to myself and beliefs than fit into a world that doesn’t fit me.
Luv Bunny
I think those pants look awesome, Bee!
I never really thought about sapiosexuality as being ableist. But now that I’ve read your post I can see how it would seem for those that don’t have lots of books or the ‘right’ kind of books. I don’t have that many books myself, and I don’t really consider books to be an indicator of intelligence. In terms of the other things, yes emotional intelligence is as important as knowing stuff. We need to feel safe in our own skins rather than reacting to what society says we ‘should be.’
I agree that even within a community such as the sex blogging one, there are often perceptions of what a sex blogger should look like. But it’s definitely better to be an individual and be true to ourselves.
JerBear
And yet, you fit in here with us so very perfectly.
Glad you’re here.
Kayla Lords
It seems we’re all oddballs here. And also, I love those undies!
Victoria Blisse
Your undies are awesome, like a 60’s psychedelic montage! And I totally agree with you on the whole sapiosexual thing, if someone describes themselves in that way, it’s a red flag to me. I am a fan of intelligence, but it comes in so many ways, it’s not prescriptive.
And I just want to say I always enjoy reading your stuff. I think you have a refreshingly straight forward style. I often feel I don’t fit in either. But you know, I’m learning to embrace my uniqueness more. It makes me really appreciate when I find people who really do get me.
Floss
Those pants are fabulous! I’ve looked at their site so many times but never taken the plunge, but your post makes me want to be an oddball too, maybe I shall have to go and have another visit 🙂
Modesty Ablaze
We may have met in person only just the once, but I almost always find that first impressions … and first instincts … are the ones I am most comfortable with.
So, may I just say that I think you are absolutely lovely.
And as for not fitting-in … well I think we must always firstly be true to ourselves and not feel we must fit-in with any norms or views other than our own.
I always want to believe that we should all be able to accept others for whom they are and whom they want to be.
We are all “oddballs” in someones eyes … and I do so love “oddballs”. (And no I don’t just mean in the literal sense. LOL !!!)
Xxx – K
elliott henry
I agree, what a crock.
Wouldn’t mind a pair of colorful skivvies like that myself.
Storm
Love the picture! I’ve actually seen a lot on Twitter lately against the word sapiosexual. I hadn’t really thought about it that way before reading those tweets. You all make very good points. Thanks for writing this.
I am attracted to people’s minds but not necessarily specifically intelligence. More like what makes them tick, what they find interesting, what they are passionate about.
I’m not college-educated nor am I well-read. I don’t own many books since downsizing (good point on space!). My grammar sucks. All things that would likely be a turn-off to a sapiosexual.
Molly
Oh such fancy, and fabulous, pants. They just look like happy pants to me
And I agree the term is definitely problematic and ablest. I do find peoples minds very sexy and attractive though but that is not about some gauge of intelligence but more about how they think and what they think about
Molly
Focused and Filthy
You have the best pants in the blogging community!
And I love an odd ball
Missy x
LittleSwitchBitch
This is a fab post, Bee, and thank you for writing it! I think you look absolutely epic in those boxers. I agree with the bookshelf too – I have experienced that myself and in all honestly, it has always made me feel rather stupid x
John Brownstone
Oddballs are the best kind of folks.
HappyComeLucky
First of all, what awesome pants you have. You look utterly delicious and make me feel like the happiness of a summers day.
Thank you for writing this post. Sapiosexuality was a term that instinctively made me uncomfortable when I first heard it. I didn’t analyse why at the time. Now, I have analysed why and it is very much because it comes across to me as an attraction to the most privileged. I’m not sure people would be so up front at announcing themselves as into privilege and the concurrent exclusion of others that goes with that.
Silverdom
You are one of the most interesting people I know.
Go oddballs!