My therapy

Masturbation saved my life
I was nervous as a child

Femtex – Therapy?

Therapy? were one of my favourite bands when I was a teen, I still love them now if I’m honest but back then I followed them to every gig I could. The lyrics tapped right into my angry, frustrated teenage angst.

My teens were the time in my life I was probably at my loneliest, I still don’t find it easy to make connections with people but back then I didn’t have friends. I was the weird loner in the corner, okay I still am but I embrace it now! Back then, being surrounded by all those strangers at school was something that used to cause me anxiety on a daily basis.

As soon as I stepped off my school bus I would find my cat sitting there waiting at the stop for me, granted being met off the bus by the cat didn’t really help dispel any of the weirdness but we would walk home together, I’d fuss him, feed him and head up to my bedroom to the much needed silence.

Once I was there I would discard my school uniform into the obligatory heap in the corner, climb into my wardrobe and close the door, hiding myself away from the world. It was here I could explore who I was, lose myself in my own pleasure with the only thing that could make me feel good about myself and release the pain.

Fast forward to today and I still use masturbation as an emotion crutch, a way of resetting my brain. Whilst I no longer hide in a wardrobe I do need to close the rest of the world out and hide myself away. This is in no way any reflection on any partner, past or present, I put it in a completely different category to sex, it’s a time to indulge myself in my own selfish need.

There was a recent example of this, the power play that I’ve endured at work over the past week or so has left me in a worse place mentally than when I was sexually assaulted. Whilst I craved the hugs and comfort from Sir I also needed some time to myself, a way of processing the pain and clearing my mind so I could move forward again. So I had a damn good wank, well quite a few if I’m honest, which put myself back in a more positive place mentally again.

There have been times I’ve been so close to the mental edge, so close to breaking point and I would have to say there really have been time where masturbation really has saved my life or at least my sanity!