In the beginning of our relationship, Sir and I spent a few years in the swinging lifestyle. Due of this we found we were more than comfortable sharing each other with various couples. We enjoyed the dynamic of being able to have fun whilst watching each other enjoying themselves. I particularly got off seeing him as he fucked someone else. At the time, although monogamy was never really discussed, we agreed to only play as part of a couple and to explore the new fun dynamic together.
After a while we found we were no longer enjoying the scene. Other than issues with fakes and wishful thinkers I was finding myself losing interest in playing with other men. I found I would go through the motions being thankful when they’d finished leaving me free to watch Sir in action or even joining in. Unfortunately we found that many of women weren’t as bi as they claimed to be. Due to this we decided to stop playing with couples and to look for a single bi woman for us to play with together. As you may or may not know, finding a “unicorn” as they’re known, is not an easy task and we are still searching for that special person to join us.
Last summer I made the decision that I would like to find a girlfriend, we both sat down and discussed the situation. During our conversation he understood my growing needs and said he was happy with me going solo. We also agreed that if I was allowed to meet someone else, he was too. We discussed it further, agreeing rules and scenarios but, unfortunately, it was at this point my world started to implode.
I had hoped we would both find someone around the same time, I hadn’t expected someone to approach him so soon after our discussion. I shouldn’t have been surprised, he’s been approached a couple of times by couples to meet him without me whereas I’ve not. It’s a myth that women find it easier to meet people than men do. I hated seeing the smile on his face as he received messages from her, the same smile I saw when we first met that I hoped was only reserved for me. I had even reached a state that I would assume, quite wrongly, he was thinking of her as he was fucking me.
A lot of this sounds vicious but in fact it’s my lack of self-confidence speaking. I’d convinced myself, despite his reassurances, that he was only with me until someone better came along. It really hurts that I feel I’m not enough for him. When we met it was all about having fun and gaining experiences, my insecurities have somewhat prevented us from doing this which isn’t fair on either of us. I want to state here that he tried to reassure me, that it’s me that he wants to be with and he would never let anyone destroy what we have but it made no difference to my over thinking, self critical brain!
In truth, he is all the cock I want or need in my life, there is nothing another man could give me that Sir couldn’t. I want to meet another woman, to scratch that itch that I’ve been feeling for so long now.
The outcome of last summers debacle is that it helped us realise how much we mean to each other, it’s even brought us closer together. We both made mistakes, ultimately from not communicating enough and when we did it was more like miscommunication. Fortunately we have learned from these mistakes, we continue to talk and have agreed that, when we do involve someone else in our relationship, it will be together. I know I will never class myself as poly but I also don’t class myself as totally monogamous so, for now, I’ll just use the term monogamish.