Summer awakening

15.02.2016

by sub-Bee

Wicked Wednesday

In the beginning of our relationship, Sir and I spent a few years in the swinging lifestyle. Due of this we found we were more than comfortable sharing each other with various couples. We enjoyed the dynamic of being able to have fun whilst watching each other enjoying themselves. I particularly got off seeing him as he fucked someone else. At the time, although monogamy was never really discussed, we agreed to only play as part of a couple and to explore the new fun dynamic together.

After a while we found we were no longer enjoying the scene. Other than issues with fakes and wishful thinkers I was finding myself losing interest in playing with other men. I found I would go through the motions being thankful when they’d finished leaving me free to watch Sir in action or even joining in. Unfortunately we found that many of women weren’t as bi as they claimed to be. Due to this we decided to stop playing with couples and to look for a single bi woman for us to play with together. As you may or may not know, finding a “unicorn” as they’re known, is not an easy task and we are still searching for that special person to join us.

Last summer I made the decision that I would like to find a girlfriend, we both sat down and discussed the situation. During our conversation he understood my growing needs and said he was happy with me going solo. We also agreed that if I was allowed to meet someone else, he was too. We discussed it further, agreeing rules and scenarios but, unfortunately, it was at this point my world started to implode.

I had hoped we would both find someone around the same time, I hadn’t expected someone to approach him so soon after our discussion. I shouldn’t have been surprised, he’s been approached a couple of times by couples to meet him without me whereas I’ve not. It’s a myth that women find it easier to meet people than men do. I hated seeing the smile on his face as he received messages from her, the same smile I saw when we first met that I hoped was only reserved for me. I had even reached a state that I would assume, quite wrongly, he was thinking of her as he was fucking me.

A lot of this sounds vicious but in fact it’s my lack of self-confidence speaking. I’d convinced myself, despite his reassurances, that he was only with me until someone better came along. It really hurts that I feel I’m not enough for him. When we met it was all about having fun and gaining experiences, my insecurities have somewhat prevented us from doing this which isn’t fair on either of us. I want to state here that he tried to reassure me, that it’s me that he wants to be with and he would never let anyone destroy what we have but it made no difference to my over thinking, self critical brain!

In truth, he is all the cock I want or need in my life, there is nothing another man could give me that Sir couldn’t. I want to meet another woman, to scratch that itch that I’ve been feeling for so long now.

The outcome of last summers debacle is that it helped us realise how much we mean to each other, it’s even brought us closer together. We both made mistakes, ultimately from not communicating enough and when we did it was more like miscommunication. Fortunately we have learned from these mistakes, we continue to talk and have agreed that, when we do involve someone else in our relationship, it will be together. I know I will never class myself as poly but I also don’t class myself as totally monogamous so, for now, I’ll just use the term monogamish.

Written by sub-Bee

Kinky submissive who loves to share her naughty side here at atosubbee.com

You can also find me here: @sub_bee

9 thoughts on “Summer awakening”

  1. Beauty's Punishment says:

    I found it to be a big can of worms with my second husband when I wanted a girlfriend, and he said that it was only fair that he got one. That led to him fighting with me when he was drunk a bunch of times, and a lot of other things. :/

    If people can make it work, that’s great. I was that unicorn for a time when I tossed him out of the house and the state to live with his parents. I guess I am better being monogamous with Jolynn and some approved play (or something possibly more) with someone of her choice.

  2. Malin James says:

    This is a wonderful post. I’ve felt all of the feelings you described at one point or another and it is not easy. The fact that the challenge of those feelings brought you closer together is a testament to how well suited you are for each other.

  3. Charlie says:

    I really enjoyed this. Very honest and open take on the subject x

  4. Cammies on the Floor says:

    I hope you find her, and I hope you find the assurance and self confidence in your relationship.

  5. Miss Scarlet says:

    This is such a great post to read. and very helpful to me… I am tentatively dipping a toe in the area of non-monogamy and I can see some of my concerns highlighted in your experiences.

  6. Dawn says:

    Monogamish is a great word 🙂
    We are currently this I think. We’ve talked about having other people join us but it’s more just talking than anything else. We haven’t been together very long and he says he doesn’t want to share just yet which is fine by me. Talking and thinking about it is fine but could either of us actually do it? I don’t know, it’s one of those things we’ll continue to discuss.
    I think we’d both worry that the other could end up preferring someone else. It takes an awful long time to get past the little voice in your head, no matter how supportive and reassuring your partner is.

  7. Molly says:

    I do like the term monogamish… I think that is sums us up well. We are mainly happy being just us but that does not mean we are not possibly, maybe, open to other options

    Mollyxxx

  8. Modesty Ablaze says:

    Wonderful to read . . . and I can completely relate to your feelings of doubt and insecurity. Completely natural and something that perhaps just seems less important and concerning as time goes by.
    But for me, communication is the key. Talking with each other about every doubt or feeling and being completely honest with one another can only enhance ones relationships and experiences . . . and you never know where they may lead.
    Xxx – K

  9. Marie Rebelle says:

    It’s so wonderful how we discover things about ourselves when we go out and explore. Yes, the experiences are not always wonderful, but it teaches us more about ourselves, help us to grow and in your case, have brought you closer together. Thank you for sharing this! Communication, in the end, proves to be so very important between partners.

    And like you, I am still looking for that special girlfriend…

    Rebel xox

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