If we’re talking orgasm control, or as we say cunt-rol, in this house only one person gets to have their orgasms controlled and that’s me. The Keeper gets as many as he wants.
Well, that’s how it used to be anyway. He still gets his orgasms when he wants but life changed for me a few years ago and definitely not for the better.
I used to be able to orgasm at the drop of a hat. Multiple orgasms were a thing and having that played with is probably the hottest thing ever. From tease and denial through to having my orgasms ruined or having my orgasms forced. Even now it’s where my fantasies take me more often than not.
However, something happened to me several years ago and I ended up on antidepressants. It was not a good time for me and ultimately the one thing that made me happy, orgasms, completely vanished I became anorgasmic and I was completely miserable. To the point I just stopped taking my medication purely to get my orgasms and joy back.
Except that isn’t what happened. Yes after a few months I did start being able to orgasms again but they weren’t easy and they weren’t as body shaking as they were. Quite often I’d get a release but that was it, no big waves of pleasure and once I’ve had one, well that’s me done, I’m not having anymore that day. And that’s how I still am now, it hasn’t improved and that makes me sad. And a bit angry but I’ve had to let that anger go because it doesn’t help.
So all that put together means playing with my orgasms becomes really difficult. They’re so few and far between I don’t want to risk not having one. Being edged can mean I teeter over in the wrong direction and instead of building up to one big orgasm, it just vanishes into nothing but frustration. Do I want them ruined, well yes I desire that but also no because having a full rare orgasm is also wonderful.
But more than anything I’ve now become so hard to read that someone else has absolutely no chance of getting that balance right. Sadly that means cunt-rol is no longer an option for me but I cannot express just how much I wish it was.