Splish, splash, splosh

Bee on the floor getting covered in yellow custard

Splosh ~ Covering one’s self in food or substances in order to acheive sexual stimulation and arousal. Also known as wet and messy

Before I start, I want to add a bit of a disclaimer here. If sploshing is your thing then that’s absolutely great, have fun with it. What follows is my personal feelings on me partaking in it.

You can probably tell my feelings on sploshing from that disclaimer. Whilst I’d never tried it before, I was fairly sure how I would feel about it. But I’m always willing to give things a go once, for science, obviously!

You see, being cold, wet and sticky isn’t something I enjoy. And let’s face it, if you’re going to splosh i it’s usually something cold rather than warm. Giving someone third degree burns with something hot probably isn’t the way to go!

Not only that, it’s quite often (not always) something sweet too. Be it cakes, cream or custard. I’m not sure being covered in gravy has the same attraction?! Although I’m sure there will be someone out there who is very much into that. Also, it doesn’t have to be food. Being covered in mud also counts as sploshing. But again, it’s cold and wet so no thanks!

Going back to the sweet things for a moment. My other concern is the sugars and their effects. Those of us assigned female at birth know that sugar and vulva’s don’t mix very well. The last thing we need is a yeast infection from those sugars because that ensures the sexiness gets put on hold. We avoid lubes with sugars in and yet sitting on cakes seems to be a thing. Again, no judgement, I’m just a born worrier so it’s a no thanks from me, just in case!

Taking the images for this post was hilarious. Who knew trying to get custard not to set would be so difficult! And even though it was still a little warm when it was poured on I was soon shivering under the cold goo. Clearing up afterwards was a nightmare, the splashes went a lot further than we intended and even got the furniture…oops! I’m fairly sure it will be a long time before I eat custard again.

“Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly.”

M.F.K. Fisher

I’m not sure I totally agree with this quote, I always love sharing food with loved ones but I don’t believe it’s always intimate. That said, I will be sticking to eating that food rather than feeling it covering me with a splish, splash, splosh!

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