I have always been a horny little slut for as long as I can remember, I had several family members telling me in various ways that no man would ever truly want nor respect me. Is this what filled me with shame? Well actually no, it’s something far, far worse than that.
I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). It comes with a huge collection of effects and side effects, not all of them apply to everybody but I seem to tick quite a few of the boxes! The raised levels of testosterone means I bulk up quite easily when I use weights at the gym, so I know to limit what I do, I’d like to be toned not muscular. My periods were all over the place, I went from going without for over a year to a non stop six months of hell and expensive hell at that! It causes acne, not something that affects me too much but I do have moments where I have the skin of a teenager again. It makes you carry your weight around your stomach, I’m already an apple shape and it’s something I work hard to control and because of this I have also been told I’m guaranteed to be diabetic. It can give you fertility issues, to be honest that’s something I’m actually grateful for. The one that really does effect me though is hirsutism, excess hair.
Other than hair where you’d expect it, I also have hairy nipples, around my belly button, I’ve been told I have hobbit feet (thanks for that one!) but worst of all I have a moustache and beard. This is where my shame really lies, hair isn’t feminine is it? It’s something only men have to deal with on a daily basis. Well not in my case, I have to shave daily and if I don’t I find myself covering my chin with my hands when I talk to other people. Deep down I know that only draws attention to the problem but it’s not that easy to break the habit and reveal my problem.
Luckily, my partner doesn’t mind. He’s actually helped me pluck stray hairs away, even having a good giggle as we did it, but in all honesty it was deeply humiliating, I hid away later and cried. I won’t let him see me shave, I can’t bear him seeing the most unfeminine moments. I did try laser treatments, in fact I spent a fortune on them but high street salons don’t have the surgical grade laser treatments I need.
Over the years I’ve sought medical advice. Mostly I’ve been told to come back when I want fertility treatment, that just angered me, the assumption I would want children just because I’m female. Then recently I saw a new doctor, she handed me tissues as I sobbed and actually listened to me and went through some options. I could take medication to reduce my testosterone levels but that could reduce my sex drive, out of all the effects of PCOS, I love having a high sex drive and the thought of losing that terrifies me. Luckily for me she completely understood, cue more sobs from me! Now I’m trying a different medication, it’s early days and I don’t want to get my hopes up but hopefully the hormones that have made me feel shame all my adult life will be less of a focus.
Flip
How I missed this at the time I don’t know…well, I do, I was lost in my own hormonal hell, and pretty much hiding from the world.
I have endometriosis, and I too get excess hair. Not to the extent that I need to shave, but enough that I have to pluck my chin and be very self conscious incase I missed a few 🙁
Hormones are horrible things, or rather, they can be. My GP is the only medical professional who has ever listened to me, actually listened rather than talked over me, when I’ve gone to her with related worries. I’m glad you’ve finally found someone to whom you can go to xxx
Beauty's Punishment
Hugs to you. Hopefully this doctor will help you. Can totally understand why you’d not want to give up your sex drive. It’s happened to me for extended periods of time that have lasted years. :/
Exposing40
I admire you *so much* for writing about this but I am sorry you feel shame for something that isn’t your fault. I do hope the new medication works. Xx
Horny GeekGirl
Thank you for sharing this, it took real strength.
Sending you a massive hug. I am so glad you have finally found a doctor who is actually listening and helping you.
HGG. xx
Rye
You are so strong. It’s never fun to deal with those traditionally unfeminine aspects of our lives. I was diganosed with PMDD as a teen and apparently because of that I have a lot of pubic hair. I can’t keep up with it. I want to find a place I would be comfortable going to wax, but no luck as yet. And I’m worried that I would have to go so often that it wouldn’t be financially viable.
I’m glad that your hubby is supportive. He sees the strength that we see.
Rye
Oleander Plume
Sorry you’re going through this, but I am so happy you found the right doctor, that is a huge thing! Always remember, you are beautiful, and a little extra hair is not going to change that.
Hugs to you-
O
Molly
Yep, awesome is the right word for it…. Honey is spot on with that
Mollyxxx
HappyComeLucky
This just made me realise that you are even more awesome.