We were having a lovely cosy pre-sleep fuck one evening. It had been a busy day and we were both tired and we wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep in each other’s arms after a delicious orgasm or two.
He pushed me onto my back and was furiously finger fucking me. Two of his fingers curled inside my cunt, his thumb against my clit and the last two fingers just brushing against my arse cheeks just close enough to my arse for me to start tingling in excitement. The moment was perfect, I was on the edge of what felt like a mind blowing orgasm, my whole body tensing and relaxing as the orgasm built…and then…well then I farted! On. His. Hand!
We both leapt apart from each other, him giving me a surprised look, me giggling in a ridiculous embarrassed way muttering all the apologies i could through those fits of giggles. My face now flushed with embarrassment rather than excitement.
Once our laughing fits were over we were able to pick ourselves up and continue where we left off. I will admit the mind blowing orgasm that I was about to have first time round was a little more subdued. Probably because I was worried the same thing will happen again.
Why have I chosen to share this awful moment with you? Well once you’ve stopped either laughing or wrinkling your nose up in disgust I shall explain.
I think it’s important we talk about all aspects of sex. Sex is great but it doesn’t always look like it does in the movies does it? Bodies and sex can be pretty noisy and even gross at times. All that squelching, our stomachs making the weirdest gurgling or sloshing noises at the most awkward times. Although I think this particular instance trumps, excuse the pun, all of those put together, this isn’t a subject we should shy away from because sometimes shit happens, quite literally in some cases.
As sex positive as I try to be I shy away from certain acts that I love and admitting that makes me feel embarrassed, I’m a sex blogger and should be able to discuss all aspects of sex! But I have a fear of mess during anal, the thought makes me cringe and tense up. There I said it. It has been a long time, years rather than weeks or months since we last had anal, simply because my IBS can make things a little erratic and unpredictable and sadly anal can make the cramping worse too. It’s something I wish was discussed more often if I’m honest. I’d love to know if there are ways to make the experience easier but the advice out there is if you have IBS then don’t have anal and that just doesn’t work for me.
So not only do I have that worry in the back of my mind my partner once told me he felt something, not in a way to shame me but an off the cuff remark. Once again I was mortified. It was months after it happened and it didn’t bother him in the slightest but it made my fears worse, which is weird if you consider his reaction!
The thing is I’m a huge fan of anal sex, I love it. There is nothing like the feeling of a cock as it penetrates your arse. I often say how there is no submissive act, just ways to make acts submissive, yet here I break my own thought pattern. The feel of his cock as it enters my arse makes me feel incredibly submissive, looking deep into his eyes as he takes what he wants from me, making me feel like his dirty little slut.
It more often than not features in my fantasies, who am I kidding, it features in all of them and is mostly central to them. And if I’m having a long drawn out pleasurable wank, rather than just a quickie to get me off, I often insert a finger or two in my arse. As I said previously, it’s been years since I’ve had anal sex and words can’t describe how much I miss and crave it.
My fear is something I need to get over, how, I just don’t know. I have double penetration on my ‘fuckit’ list, so I need to not only get over my fear but find another guy that I trust and feel comfortable with too!
Sex can be surprising and if something like my farting episode happens again in the future could I just shrug it off. Probably not to be honest, I’m sure I would be just as mortified if it happened again and perhaps even more so! With my partner I am lucky we can just have a good giggle and then pick up again where we left off. Sex is supposed to be fun and it certainly gave us a good laugh even if I was totally mortified.
The barefoot sub
This made me chuckle because it brought back some memories. My most recent in particular, he was sitting behind me while I was bent over the bed using a wand on me. As I tensed up approaching orgasm I did the same thing. Not on his hand though….directly in his face. Mortified is the word. Fortunately I love a little humiliation
Thank you for sharing
Kayla Lords
I giggled but I also love that you were willing to share the moment. Damn our bodies! They have the worst way of being NATURAL right when we really need them to just let us have pleasure, lol.
Jo
Sex is noisy and messy and embarrassing and funny, and I think it’s great that you want to talk about how real all of that is. If you’re really worried about mess, you could do a warm water enema beforehand – would that impact the IBS? It’s what my clients used to do before anal play, and it made a *world* of difference…
Hannah
I’m so glad this KOTW topic is bringing up these issues. As someone who LOVES anal sex, it seems unfortunate that I have IBS which is triggered with anxiety (such as worrying about my IBS during anal…!), and I’m glad I’m not alone in this! Thanks for being open and honest 😊
Sweeten Dirty
Thank you for such an honest post. I have had the same fear, and have been mortified at a few farts one time while having PIV sex. Luckily my partner just busted up in a fit of giggles and kept on, though I am still embarrassed by some of the sounds my body makes.
Cara Thereon
I don’t think we talk enough about how messy sex is. Porn offers this awful allusion that confuses. I hate that you don’t get to have anal sex out of embarrassment. Missing out on something you enjoy is just no fair
Molly
Ahhh yes the horror of wind and how it can find the most inappropriate time to find its way out of the ones body. I am sad that you don’t get to enjoy anal sex though, maybe as some others have suggested using toys and less thrusting would make it more manageable for you
Mollyx
Indigo Byrd
If it intrigues you in any way why not try a toy (see my comment to Bee, above for suggestions). There are loads of lovely vibes out there designed for prostate stimulation. You might be missing out on something that gives you lots of pleasure CP. Life’s too short.
Indie x
Indigo Byrd
Of topic, but I once farted loudly during a prenatal class while simulating “pushing”. Laughter all round and extreme embarrassment on my part (I was a self conscious creature back then). So I can relate to the shame factor.
But its a pity that your IBS makes it difficult too, since it also enriches your fantasies. You mention masturbation and using your fingers – I use toys, especially a glass dildo which feels amazing and is easy to clean, and sometimes a vibrator with a condom over it. It’s not partnered sex but at least you are removing the awkwardness (and any mess is easy to deal with).
Cousin Pons
I have never had anal sex of any sort but really appreciate the honesty with which you write. I would love to one day but now I have a bit of IBS, as well as a hernia or two so perhaps I should put it further down my fuckit list. Farts and squelchy sounds are only natural and thanks so much for writing about them. Brilliant!
Cammies on the floor
I love the honesty of this, reminds me of my sister who was brave in discussing the less sexy but all too realistic aspects of sex. Thank you
Mrs Fever
Oh, I so get you on this. Our bodies can misbehave at the worst possible times! Your story made me chuckle ~ not laughing *at* you, but with you. 🙂