I’m not a masochist, I hate pain. It’s one of the hardest things I have to admit to as a submissive. All submissives should like pain shouldn’t they? Clearly the answer is no but it’s taken me a long time to feel that way and if I’m really honest it still feels like I’m not a good enough sub because I don’t enjoy the pain.
That said I endure the pain for two reasons. Firstly I know he loves to hurt me, I see the glint in his eyes beforehand and I can feel his excitement when he does so the submissive in me bears the pain for him. The second reason is because I love the marks so much.
That leads us onto another problem. I don’t mark. My skin heals very quickly so any marks vanish almost instantly and getting it to mark with impact toys is like trying to get blood out of a stone. For a long time I thought it was because I’m such a wuss and I can’t take the pain but a recent experimental scene with @EuclideanPoint and @BeauDeJour highlighted that wasn’t the case at all. EP and I we’re both hit with the same implements by the same person using the same force. By the end of it our arses were compared, hers was deliciously rosy and mine was lily white, as if I hadn’t been hit at all. Clearly I was disappointed because I wanted some rosy cheeks but actually it made me feel better about myself, maybe I wasn’t such a big wuss after all!
However that has meant The Keeper sees that as a challenge *rolls eyes* he picked out a very evil looking cane recently and decided my arse needed a heavy caning which is a big step forwards as this time last year I had never been caned because I was terrified of them. I still can’t bear skin breaking swats, I’d love to take that but it’s just too much.
He compared our other cane to this one and it felt far heavier and the impacts were deeper and thuddier, I much prefer thud to sting. For the first time ever he managed to get me to a place where I could ride the pain and sink into those sensations and feel the endorphins wash over me. That coupled with some delightful butt punching caused a miracle. My arse turned pink! I was so happy. There are even a few marks from individual cane strokes and apparently the knobbly bits on the cane left a few marks but they didn’t last long enough to be picked up in the image.
A couple of nights later I was still feeling a little tender when I sat down. It was only when he came to bed and I wiggled my arse at him he asked to borrow my phone to take a picture…there were bruises! I was over the moon, I finally have some lovely pretty bruises.
We all know what that means don’t we. Now he knows I can bruise he needs to see if we can improve on that. Wish me luck!
