Maintaining protocol

Protocols are behavioural codes or rules. In the case of a D/s relationship they are usually rules and roles the submissive is expected to adhere to but they can also include the rules and roles a dominant should adhere to as well.

When the Keeper and I set out on our D/s relationship we had rules in place but over the years this mostly fell to the side. I wouldn’t say we were ever high protocol, we were low to medium at best. For example, not being able to freely speak or look at him just wouldn’t work but getting in from work and giving him a cuddle before I did anything else did. Clearly non D/s or ‘vanilla’ relationships also have protocols but they’re very rarely referenced in that way.

When we set out our protocols we looked at rules that other people had in place. I called him Sir, I walked slightly behind him and always asked his opinions on anything before I agree to do them. I felt stifled. It wasn’t who I am and I felt like I was being moulded into some kind of stereotype. That’s not to say he was attempting to do that, it’s something we needed to go through to find out that it wasn’t for us.

I like walking beside him and holding his hand, that’s not to say in the right situation I don’t like him leading me on a leash.

We’re respectful towards each other but we enjoy teasing one another, in a fun way rather than a mean way. Always having to defer to him prevented me ribbing him when he deserves it.

I’m hugely independent. Having to run everything I do past him was exhausting. We treat each other as equals, any big decisions we take are taken together, my opinion is just as important as his. That together with long working hours means sometimes things just have to get done rather than waiting around to be told what to do.

And the final thing, calling him Sir didn’t work for me at all. It always felt awkward and totally unnatural. Whilst I don’t mind if there is a predetermined in-scene need for it when we’re playing, especially if that play involves someone else who likes that protocol. But for everyday us, nope!

On that note, something I hadn’t really given much thought to was if someone else called the Keeper Sir or another honourific. It wasn’t something I thought would happen until one day, in chat messages, it did. I had to give it a moments thought. Was I ok with it? Did I have any right to not be ok with it because their dynamic happens between them and not me. But it took me no more than a moment to think it all through, I shrugged my shoulders and whilst it sounded strange, it was because I wasn’t used to it and actually it didn’t bother me at all.

Just because protocol doesn’t work for me, there is no reason why it can’t work for others, even if I’m connected to them.