I mentioned a while back how I identify as gender queer so I thought I’d explain what that means and feels like to me.
The simple answer is I have no clue! I don’t really know what gender affirmation feels like. For the most part I know what I’m not rather than what I am. I know, confusing!
I’ve never felt particularly femme. Hair styling and make-up are dark arts to me, I have no idea where to start with either of them. My clothes, well I much prefer to be in jeans or trousers than skirts and dresses. I do try to be more feminine at times but it’s just exhausting.
I work in a very male environment so there are lots of initiatives for women but I don’t relate to any of them and I’m often guilt tripped into joining in with something because I should role model for the newer generations.
Luckily, when coronavirus hit, I was able to work from home full time. I do recognise my privilege in this, not everyone has been so lucky. However, it has given me an opportunity to escape all those women’s initiatives and it’s given me a chance to explore who I am a bit more.
The first change I made was not putting a bra on, it’s now been 14 weeks without wearing one and I’m dreading having to wear one again. Yes I’m lucky I don’t need one for support, I only really wear one to prevent my nipples poking peoples eyes out!
Clearly all my uncomfortable work clothes have gone and have been replaced with T-shirt’s, the downside of that is more ironing. Those who say I don’t need to, clearly don’t know how much I hate wrinkled clothes! Coupled with those T-shirt are dungarees for cooler days and pinafore dresses or dungaree shorts for the warmer ones. I can’t imagine wearing anything else, they’re both cute and comfy.
And finally I developed a love of wearing boxers. Why did it take me 40 years to find out just how comfy they are and they look so good stretched over my arse too. I started out ‘borrowing’ my partners but quickly discovered I needed my own.
What does this all mean in relation to my gender? Well I’m not too sure really. It’s meant that I haven’t needed to put a mask on and dress in a way that fits in with what society says I should wear. Not wearing that mask has meant I can relax and not feel so anxious. It also means I don’t feel I have to stick to one look. If I want to be more femme one day in a cute dress and be called a good girl, then the following day wear a cute suit and tie and be called a good boi, then I can. I don’t have to conform to society’s ‘norms’.
More than that I’ve realised being me is far more important than trying to squash myself into a neat little box that describes my assigned at birth gender. It’s given me hope for the future, I realise that’s a ridiculous thing to say given this weeks announcement regarding the Gender Recognition Act, read Quenby’s brilliant post for more on that! However, I’m talking from a personal point of view.
I hope that me being me will mean a happier me, a more relaxed me and a more confident me. Hope that, for the most part, I’m accepted by those that know and love me. Hope that things will become easier.
All that said I have one thing to say to those doubters and to those haters. The ones that think non-binary pronouns are confusing to their poor little brains, the ones who think that clothes, interests, actions, toys, genitals and all the rest are gendered. In the words of someone very wise indeed, they can SUCK MY DICK!
DeviantSuccubus
In the end it is all about being able to be who we want to be without being limited by societal norms or rigid categorizations based on past truths. I am glad to hear that you have been able to be yourself, without the pressures of gender expectations, and wear what you love, and not to worry too much about other people’s opinions. Lockdown is rough but it definitely has a few perks too!
This is a very sexy picture!
LittleSwitchBitch
OOOooooH Bee this image is all kinds of hot! I lived in my OH’s boxers throughout lockdown and they are much more comfy than my usual undies. That said I don’t think I could be ever pulled away from wearing thongs as I hate feeling vpl through my clothes!
I am looking forward to seeing and reading more about your new journey x
Focused and Filthy
I’m pleased lockdown has brought you some freedom. I love how cute you look in those pants and the pink pop it’s beautiful.
Missy x
Quinn Rhodes
I left your post to the end of my Sinful Sunday commenting, in the hope that I’d be able to find something clever or coherent to say. I’m not sure I have. I love this post so much: reading about your experiences exploring gender expression made me smile, and fuck, that photo is incredibly hot! I hope you continue to explore your gender feels and reject the neat little box that you were pushed into at birth. As you know, you don’t have to perform femininity if it’s exhausting – refusing to do so is incredibly powerful and an act of rebellion. And you’re right, anyone who doesn’t like that can suck your dick!
Violet
This is a lovely post, Bee. I’m so happy you’ve found a bit of footing your self acceptance and that something good came from lockdown! ANd what a beautiful image of a really sexy, smart person. Much love to you, thank you for linking up to LiFE and WBSW.
Floss
I love this and I’m so pleased lockdown has given you the time and space to explore your gender queer feels. I have no doubt that my gender identity matches what I was assigned at birth, but I was still nodding along at certain points because I think so many of us are doing/wearing/behaving in a way that we are expected to instead of what feels right and good for us. I have also ditched the bras, but have the same issue as you with regards to nipples. I actually invested in some crop top style bralettes, with a bit of padding for when I feel like the nipples need to be put away. I’ve always worn cleavage-enhancing, push up styles bras because I felt so self-conscious about being small boobed, but I think 2020 is the year I’m just going ‘small tits, don’t care’. I hope you continue to positively explore your gender feels and if you share more of that journey with us I will be excited to read about it x
HappyComeLucky
What a brilliant and fantastic post and picture. I am grinning with delight at your hope and that you are so authentically you. Mind you, I do think that choosing those people to be allowed to suck your dick is a shame…. 😜
kitten
This was so interesting to me! The more I read about people’s experiences of gender, the more it sinks in just how individual it is.
I’m a cis woman but I relate to all of the things you mention about your gender presentation; I love boxers, I love tshirts and jeans, shirts, not wearing bras, no make-up. It’s so fascinating to hear people talk about their gender and presentation and how it ties together, or doesn’t. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Molly
You are cute ALL the time… just sayin. And also maybe you should try not wearing a bra out and about. I read about a woman recently who gave them up and discovered that whilst she thought everyone would know and notice no one actually did.
Molly
Julie
I love this photo and also that you’ve had time to dress as you wish and work out more about you.
Silverdom
I love this image – it feels so very ‘you’.
Your words are also moving and powerful.
Victoria Blisse
That is one hell of a sexy photo! I’m glad you’re discovering more about you. Gender is a confusing thing!
Brigit Delaney
Being stuck at home has had some very good perks. Not wearing a bra has been ahhh-mazing! I’m glad it has given you the opportunity to practice being comfortable in your own skin. Identity and sexuality are so fluid and malleable. When we shut off the outside noise and listen to our insides, we can uncover a lot and clear out what society has told us to be.