Whilst I don’t feel the need to justify myself I thought I’d explain why am I choosing to remain hidden and anonymous?
I initially decided I didn’t want to reveal the real me for a number of reasons. All of them stem down to fear. Fear of hurting and shaming those close to me, fear of losing my job but more importantly fear of being ridiculed. I wouldn’t say I’m totally comfortable about who I am so revealing myself so intimately is a huge step for me.
I go to great lengths to hide who I am, I’ve made sure I have added privacy protection on my blog so you can’t see my real name. I have a personal Facebook account that I use to keep in touch with family and as Facebook is so invasive that means I can’t set up a second account for this side of me because I know they’ll link us together and send me out to family as ‘People you may know’. I suspect that even if I delete my personal account Facebook would still try to link to my family to Bee’s profile as the accounts will have shared an IP address.
Having said that if I were to meet you in real life I tend to use my real name. I have no problems with people who see me saying hello if they saw me out and about as long as they’re discrete. Smiling and saying hello in the supermarket is one thing, discussing my latest post would not be ok!
I had a very strange moment a while back. I had won a prize on a Sinful Sunday competition, I needed to pass on my real name and address so I could have the prize posted out. It was the first time I had been in a situation where I needed to reveal myself. I’m pretty certain that most people are in the same situation and we’re all very discrete. Luckily after speaking to the adorable Molly, she reassured me and took delivery for me
Part of me feels I should stand up and admit who I am, by being anonymous I feel I’m saying I’m ashamed of what I do. I’m not ashamed, I’m in a very good place, I actually really want to stand up and shout from the roof tops but now is not the time to so that.
Most of my friends know so that wouldn’t be an issue and I actually think if my family found out, after the initial shock things would settle back down. I know they wouldn’t be happy about it but I think as long as it wasn’t rubbed in their faces they could pretend it doesn’t exist.
Work is a little more tricky. I don’t work with children or with vulnerable people so in that respect its not a problem. I do have a clause in my contract regarding ‘bringing the company into disrepute’, now obviously that can be twisted into any way they want. My main concern would be my colleagues themselves, some of them have a very ‘laddish’ mentality and would think nothing of printing off a screen shot and leaving it on my desk for everyone to see. If caught they would certainly be reprimanded but I believe all those years of gaining their respect and getting to where I am now could be undone in those moments. Privately they may be fine but as a pack the cat calling could go on for months and I don’t know if I have the strength the face that.
I’ve certainly had times recently where I’ve said, you know what, I don’t care any more. If anyone I knew had seen my images I’m pretty recognisable, my hair and very often my clothes are fairly distinctive.
However, this blog isn’t purely about me. As soon as I’m exposed so is Sir. His friends, his family, his work. One day the time may come when we both know what the future holds for us, that our future work lives won’t be affected then it’s a possibility. But for now I’m staying hidden in the often lonely world of sex blogging, speaking to a wonderful and mainly hidden community.