Gatekeeping – When someone takes it upon themselves to either allow or deny someone else the access to a community or identity.
If you were to ask me what my pet peeves are, one thing at the top of that list is gatekeeping. It sits right alongside treating people without dignity and respect.
I’ll be discussing this in terms of my identity and the labels that I use to describe myself. Yours may differ and that’s ok because we’re all different.
When you’re one of those people that sit outside what society tells us is the norm, things become a little tricky. We need labels to help us describe who we are, to ourselves just as much as to others and yet labels can also put us into boxes.
I was in my 20s when I realised I identified as bisexual, or at least thought I did because I had no real experience with anyone other than cishet men.
However, I have lost track of the number of times I’ve been told that because I use the term bi I’m transphobic, that I should use the term pan instead. But, I was probably in my mid to late 30s before I’d even heard the term pansexual. As a label it has no meaning to me personally. I was being pushed into using a term that I didn’t feel a connection to. To me, bi has always been an umbrella term for attraction to more than one gender.
Likewise, I heard the term bi lesbian in the past couple of years. For me personally, that’s two conflicting identities so not something I would use. That said, if that term works for you, then great. Someone using those labels doesn’t erase who I am.
But there is another side to this too. The side where the gatekeeping is internalised. Where I won’t allow myself to use labels that may actually be what I am.
Let me explain what I mean by that. I identify as genderqueer, I’m neither male nor female and I’m a combination of both of those and also none of those. Confusing huh! There’s a reason it’s taken me so long to work it out!
Someone recently referred to me as trans. And whilst it didn’t bother me that they did so, it also made me stop and think. Technically someone that is trans is someone who doesn’t identify as their sex at birth. Seeing as I don’t identify as female even though that’s my birth sex that means I must be trans. Except I feel that trans people have to deal with far more shit than I do, so it’s not right to erase their experiences by using that label myself.
See what I mean, internalised gatekeeping! My experiences and labels don’t erase someone else’s, just like their experiences and labels don’t erase mine. And yet that’s exactly what my overthinking brain does.
So there we have it, my rant about how pointless gatekeeping is. We are all perfectly unique and that means the labels and identities we use are unique to us and have absolutely no impact on anyone else, so people need to keep their opinions to themselves!
OliviaW
You made your point very well. I think so too, but I couldn’t find the right words. But you did and you helped me to put it all in my head.
Quinn Rhodes
Internalised gatekeeping is so exhausting, and something I’ve definitely struggled with. I’m sending you support as you work through all of this, because it’s hard – but ultimately the labels you use matter less than you not invalidating your own experiences. (I personally love labels, especially as shorthands and how they can be used in different ways by different people but are a starting point for deeper conversations about identity, but it’s taken some internal work to understand that they don’t serve everyone. This might well be a sign of my autism, but that’s definitely a label that I have a lot of internalised gatekeeping around claiming!) This is a seriously good photo and I’m very into how queer and masc you look in it!
Julie
Labelling, both internal and external has to be one of the worst things right now. This is an excellent post Bee and all the more so for the wonderful photo at the top of the page.
Luv Bunny
This post is thought-provoking and I love the sense of freedom in the scenic view, which is only barricaded by the gate. Our internal voice can be as much a gatekeeper as other’s views and opinions. Finding a term that we feel comfortable with to describe our identity can be confusing with so many different ones being bandied about. It’s a simple joy to feel comfortable in our own minds about who we are. Lovely bum shot too 😉
Modesty Ablaze
As I mention in one of my other comments this Sinful Sunday, I’ve never been good with labels. I’ve always enjoyed just enjoying whatever feels right at the time.
And gates have always left me feeling like I just want to go and … CLIMB OVER THEM !!!
Just like you are doing here !!!
Lovely bottom by the way.
Xxx – K
Molly
How funny that we covered similartopics in our Sinful Sunday post this week. I have definitely done my fair share of internal gate keeping and am trying really hard to not continue that
Molly
Victoria Blisse
The picture is joyful, gatekeeping isn’t. And I get it. internalised gatekeeping is something I recognise too. the freedom to be who we are and use what labels feel right to us is what society needs to aim for. gates can look after themselves. or be ripped out where not needed.
mywildlens
I love this. Both the image which is incredible (despite the gate it feels like it encapsulates freedom and fun!) and the message which I completely agree with.
minnie
Just to add to the confusion and contradictions in our own labels and stereotypes… All the words have changed over the last ten or twenty years. So what you grew up with, or were originally introduced to, is no longer totally accurate,-and possibly completely incorrect- because new words were born, evolved and came into the scene.
I wish you good luck with finding the ones that fit you best. 🙂