I have a complex relationship with pain. I’m not a masochist so, for the most part, I don’t actually enjoy pain but I don’t think that really explains it. I fear it so instead of letting it wash over me, I clam up, clenching my teeth just to get through it.
But I’ve got ahead of myself because there are different kinds of physical pain. There is the thuddy kind from a heavy flogger, then there is the stingy kind from a thin cane or there is spikey kind.
I can bear some thuddy pain, I detest the stingy type but I can mostly enjoy the spikey kind. But that will also depend on my mind set. When I’m under a lot of stress my skin hurts me, being touched sets me on edge and that includes all those delicious spikey needles that should help reset me so I feel better. Sometimes I just can’t take any kind of physical pain.
“It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure.”
Marquis de Sade
As you’ve probably worked out, I don’t necessarily agree with this quote. Yes pain can be pleasurable for some but we are all different. Some of us enjoy different types and some of us don’t enjoy it at all.
But so far I’ve only talked about physical kind, there is also another kind. Emotional pain. I’m not talking about the kind of emotional hurt that causes long term damage, just like I don’t talk about physical pain that causes damage.
But the kind of emotional hurt that comes from humiliation play.
Tie me up in the corner in chastity and make me watch or just listen in as he fucks someone else. Hood me, gag me so I’m a drooling mess and tell me I’m disgusting. Talk about me as I’m bent over in front of you so you can see how wet my cunt gets at your words. Make my cheeks burn with shame.
I will never admit to being a masochist because of my fear of physical pain but twist that around to being an emotional masochist then maybe that connotation suits me far better.