Don’t fear the smear

Today was the day I went for that three year check up all women between the ages of 25-49, in the UK at least, are required to have, it was my smear test.

It’s something that doesn’t bother me in the slightest but I know some people try and avoid them at all costs. So I thought I’d share my experiences with you and also share what the nurse said to me too.

My smear experience

I get called into the office about a minute late, which caught me off guard as they’re usually at least 30 minutes behind schedule!

The nurse checked my name and date of birth so she could prepare everything to be sent off. She asked me to undress and jump up onto the couch. That should’ve been easy but of course I was wearing freshly washed skinny jeans which took a bit of effort to peel off my hips and legs!

Meanwhile, she popped into the adjoining room to gather the equipment she needed, all the while reassuring me the door was locked and no one could walk in. As quick as she went into the adjoining room she re-emerged with a sheet of blue paper for me to lay across myself whilst I wait. I’ve never really seen the point of that paper, to be honest, I know what I look like and she’s about to see far more than just my vulva.

When she came back in she warmed the speculum up under warm water and asked me to put my knees up, ankles together and let my knees flop to the side. We agreed that position needed to be called ‘Froggy Style’!

She gently inserted the speculum, opened it up slightly and picked up the brush in order to scrape the cell samples from my cervix, I didn’t feel a thing.

I was all done and just needed to get dressed. Again, that was no easy task as I had to wriggle and bounce my way back into those skinny fit jeans. Lesson to be learnt…wear easy to access clothes when attending appointments! The whole process was done in under 5 minutes, or it would’ve been if we weren’t chatting quite so much.

What the nurse said

She says she knows some people feel awkward about coming for smear tests but it really isn’t that scary. If you go to your local doctors surgery for the procedure the person doing the test will be a woman and therefore someone who has the test themselves.

The nurses will be warm and welcoming to try to put people at ease. And turn their backs and prepare whilst people undress to give them a little privacy. Likewise, the blue sheet of paper is just something to hide under in case people feel too exposed.

The position you’re in allows the quickest, easiest access without putting too much pressure on anyone’s joints. Having said that if you find it tricky or uncomfortable the nurses will accommodate that and different positions can be used.

If it’s your first ever smear test they will ask if you’re sexually active or not. If you aren’t they will use the smallest size speculum they have available and insert it slowly. If you are sexually actively then a medium size is usually the easier option to go for. She prefers to use a medium, long size as sometimes the vaginal tunnel is longer than anticipated, it’s easier to use a speculum that’s too long than to have to switch sizes during the procedure.

Usually only around two thirds of a speculum is inserted. The screws and nuts on the side look far scarier than they are. They are simply there to open up your vagina as the muscles will naturally clamp down on anything inserted, which makes it harder to take the sample. The nut then just locks it in place so it doesn’t move about.

The light they use isn’t there to make you feel uncomfortable, it’s there purely to make it easier to see what they’re doing. Apparently cervices can be tricky to spot without it, given the nature of where they are placed!

Once you’re in that position and the speculum is in place, they stop thinking of you as a person (to a point) and just focus on your anatomy. They don’t care if you’ve shaved or not, they don’t care what your labia look like. All they’re interested in is your cervix and how that looks. Or more correctly what your cervical opening, known as the Os looks like. It’s usually shaped like a doughnut and its position varies from person to person, everyone’s ‘geography’ is different. She did tell me to google it because they’re so beautiful and fascinating.

The brush is made up of a few different length plastic bristles, she usually keeps it out of sight of patients but she held it up for me. Just ask if you’d like to see it. The old wooden ones are no longer used as they’d often bring false readings meaning the patient would have to go back for retesting.

The brush is then swilled around in a pot of solution which keeps the cells secure whilst it gets sent off to the lab for testing. They don’t actually test for cervical cancer but rather a virus known as HPV which has the potential to lead to cancer.

Smear tests for Sexual assault victims

Smear tests can be hard for a sexual assault victim, however the tests are important. If you can, tell the nurse you’ve been a victim and she’ll do everything possible to make it easier. More time will be given and you can either bring in someone you trust with you or ask for a chaperone.

If it’s too much on that appointment, you’ll be booked back in there and then and a phone call will be made in the event of a no show.

If laying down for the procedure is too difficult then you can be referred to the Colposcopy department in your local hospital where the smear test is performed in a seated, squat position.

Everything possible will be done to make this as comfortable as possible for you.

More information

If you’d like more information then go to the Jo’s trust website. This has all the information you need and more. It’s a trusted source used by the medical profession so you can feel safe with the information they give.