Following on from a beautifully written piece by Molly (to cheat or not to cheat), which in itself was a response to Kendra Hollidays blog post (The Beautiful Kind). I found myself with too much to say as merely a comment and felt compelled to write my own post on the subject. This is completely my own views on the subject and I would in no way judge anybody who doesn’t agree on my view in the same way I would never judge someone else’s kinks when they aren’t for me either. I’m also aware that situations aren’t always black and white and everybody’s situation is different.
In order to answer the questions raised I firstly need to define what I class as cheating. To me it isn’t the act of sexually involving someone else, it’s the deception of going behind another’s back or against their wishes. There’s also a definite blurring of lines between physically and mentally cheating too, is a drunken one night stand any less painful to bear than a full blown affair that has never actually involved sex?
Have you ever cheated?
Yes I have, in fact before my current relationship I don’t think I ever cared for someone enough not to worry about how they felt. But that also worked the other way around too, it never really mattered to me if somebody I was dating saw someone else I just shrugged my shoulders and moved on. I had always managed to build enough barriers around me not to let emotions get in the way.
Would I ever cheat?
No, not anymore. It would tear me apart if I hurt Sir and likewise if he hurt me. We have the sort of relationship where I can’t see that either of us would ever feel the need to cheat. Although we are technically monogamous we each recognise that sometimes we have needs that each other cannot meet. When those occasions arise it isn’t a spur of the moment thing and we both have strict boundaries and rules we adhere to, the main one being communication, we talk everything through but spare each other the unwanted details.
Would you get with someone who was cheating?
Now this is where an area for us has become a little grey. We’ve swung in the past and I always maintained that I wouldn’t knowingly play with someone who was cheating, that does become tricky in a club, it’s not something I ask people in the heat of the moment but if I knew they left their unwitting partner at home then they would be turned away. Sir is less bothered by that, which in itself us surprising as he is so vehement against those that have cheated, but he sees it’s down to them to make their own choice. I just don’t like the thought of being harassed by an angry hurt wife or husband who believes it takes two (or three) to tango!
A year or so ago we made the decision not to involve other men in our play, it’s nothing personal against anyone, I just wasn’t enjoying it anymore and really wanted to explore my bi side more. However it got to a stage in our searching that we would play with anyone as long as they were female, I have no idea at what point we suddenly became so swept along by our need that our morals went out the window! As soon as we realised we took a step back, gave ourselves a stern talking to and looked again at what we wanted.
Does seeing a sex worker count as cheating/Does going to a strip club!
I’d say that seeing a sex worker would count as cheating, if it means going behind my back, I don’t see it being any different to sleeping with someone else. But going to a strip club, no, that’s no more cheating than using porn is.
Do these comments make me hypocritical…probably but as I said earlier there is no black and white situation? My opinions have changed over time and with experience. I also think they’re always evolving too, who knows how different they’ll be in a few years time?
