But feelings can’t be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem
Anne Frank
Lockdown and being physically distant from everybody has been tough on all of us for different reasons. But, for me, it has also come with some positives, for example, not commuting and working in a crowded office has improved my mental health. It’s also given me the time and space to explore who I am and what I want as an individual and what The Keeper and I want from our relationship more.
We’ve always classed ourselves as monogamish, so enjoy involving others in our play was fun but not something we did that often because working long hours and life in general meant it was unfair on others because we barely had the time for each other, let alone someone else. Whilst we were starting to open up before the world changed, nothing had really happened so after getting my head around what we wanted, it was all taken away from us again and I spent a long time in lockdown grieving and angry for that loss.
But there’s also another aspect to this. I’ve always been submissive and he’s always been in control. But do we have other sides to us that we haven’t been willing to explore because we’ve slotted nicely into our roles with each other? I worry that he holds himself back from trying things because that something falls outside of our dynamic. Yes, I’m an over thinker but I also don’t want us to look back with regret. If lockdown has shown us anything, it’s shown us life is too short and we should grab experiences (and each other…consensually) while we can.
That exploring other sides may mean we can’t explore together. If I want to find if I have a dominant side, I can’t do that with him. That said, I really don’t think I have a dominant bone in my body. I’m quite happy to cuddle and paint someone’s nails but having dabbled recently, being mean or hurting someone actually does nothing for me.
Then there are kinks we each have but don’t share. For example, I don’t like latex, the smell and feel squicks me out but it’s a big thing for him with several new pieces arriving over the past few months. Likewise he can’t humiliate me, he can hurt me physically but playing with emotions is a step too far, understandably.
All this aside, I just want to have fun. Trying new things and finding out if they’re enjoyable or not is the way forwards.
Last weekend we had some new candles to try out. When he had finished and removed the wax from me I told him it was his turn. I’ve known for a long time he’s wanted to experience wax but my submissive nature prevented me from having a go, unless he asked. Well I got brave and decided not to wait anymore.
We haven’t been 24/7 D/s for a long time so as a playful equal I drip, dripped wax across his back to see if he enjoyed it. Judging by the fucking I got afterwards I think it’s a yes! I found it wasn’t as easy as it looks and wax drips where it wants to, rather than where I wanted it to! For a first attempt I didn’t do too badly at leaving my mark on him, I did get a little adventurous and tried to add a smile which ended up with the bee looking like it has been massacred but it’s definitely something I’d do again!
So all in all, this long rambling post is me trying to get my head around trying something different and stepping outside my comfort zone. Yes I’m still his submissive but I also just want to get away from restrictive labels and just be a kinky fucker!
Luv Bunny
I’m so glad the lockdown has been a positive experience for you and Mr Bee. I love the creative playful image of the waxplay 🙂
Jaime Mortimer
Perfect from ass to bee!
and thoughtfully written.
Lovely!
Oxyfromsg
This lockdown is many things, but at least it does give us a chance to explore ourselves.
Molly
Damn plague!
This post makes me smile for you both and I think your Bee is beeautiful
Molly
Victoria Blisse
Fabulous bee, gorgeous bee-hind. Great post, finding who we are is an interesting process.
E.L. Byrne
This is great! And I love the Bee! Way better than I could have done my first time. It’s so great that you have such a lovely dynamic that you can break out and try new things and be secure in that relationship while doing it.
Floss
This is such a fab post. Your bee is amazing and bravo to you for being brave and trying something new. I hope when life allows you both to extend your explorations even more that it brings you many fun and joyous times, both with each other and with other folks too x
NPE
Yes! Carpe bee-em!
LittleSwitchBitch
Awwhhh – I love your bee! It has come out so well 🙂 This is such a lovely post <3 Exciting times for you both x
Violet
I love this bee, Bee!
And how exciting to change things up a bit; happy for you both ❤️