A reflection

Apparently I have lost track of time and my blog turned 10 years old in April. So I thought it’s a perfect time to put together a bit of a reflection on that time.

I think I’ve always made it clear the blog started as a place to hold all my exhibitionist images I’ve taken over the years. The Scavenger Hunt has always been my main draw, even more so now I’m its custodian.

The blog has always been a space for me to discover who I am, in a safe environment, a place to connect with like minded people. And I know being out there on the internet isn’t always safe but I’ve never really felt threatened and I make sure my boundaries are secure.

It was always a place that made me buzz with excitement. I may not be one of the community big hitters, or be the best writer out there but this also isn’t my job, it’s just a hobby and I’m fine with not always being in the limelight.

But over the course of the decade I’ve been blogging there have been some big changes. Some have been brilliant, some less so, all of them a reflection of the world around us. I’ve met some amazing people, some of who have become my closest friends.

On the flip side, at the time I was just feeling safe about coming out as gender queer, half of the community showed their transphobic side and I decided to close the lid on that box whilst I dealt with the outfall of people I called friends being anything but friends. Then came the downfall of Twitter, a place we all came to natter and share each other’s work.

Now it all feels very fragmented, life has moved on, blogs don’t get the traffic they used to, especially if they aren’t an income stream. trying to find and connect with people on social media is impossible. It doesn’t help I was blocked from posting anything on Instagram and any images that had any skin on show were removed. Yes I know it doesn’t do adult images, these were mainly images of hands showing off my latest nails. Then when I joined Mastodon I was instantly faced with a barrage of transphobic abuse. I’m so exhausted by them I rarely even open the apps, let alone post anything anymore.

I know I have lost my mojo, be it pressures of day to day life, work and the universe. But also dealing with long covid, perimenopause and lack of access to the healthcare system have dragged me down. I don’t have much to write about anymore without it sounding like I’m constantly moaning about things!

So it feels like I’ve come full circle. I maybe quieter but I’m still here giving everyone a reflection on my life where I have the time and space. My blog is a place I host my exhibitionist images I take for the Scavenger Hunt, although I think hosting it is probably the only reason I keep it going, along with not wanting to let go of a big part of me. So bear with me, I never say never, if I find my mojo again, there is no stopping me..