Before the challenge
Life has recently been getting on top of me and my mental health is probably the lowest it’s been in over a decade. I’ve actually reached the point I’ve seriously considered seeing a doctor but the thought of going back on medication fills me with dread. In the past anti-depressants have left me in what I call my letterbox world, the lows may be cut out but so are the highs.
Bang on cue, the gorgeous Tabitha Rayne launched her idea of 30 days of orgasm fun. I have always used masturbation as away of reducing my anxiety and depression but recently I’ve been ignoring my needs.
In the past, when I was single, I would masturbate at least once before going to sleep then again before getting up in the morning. However, I have a long history of shame attached to masturbation and I find it difficult being watched. I tend to hide under the duvet and it’s only been a recent achievement of mine to actually masturbate whilst he is in the house but definitely not in the same room!
So being able to reach my 30 days of orgasm is going to be a challenge for me!
During the challenge
Day one – as I was working from home I had the chance of a lazy morning to myself. Yet an orgasm eluded me. It left me feeling frustrated, grumpy and added to my feelings of failure. Then later it dawned on me I was focusing on the goal and not the journey. I need to make sure I’m not focusing in the orgasm but enjoying the moment.
Day two – I’ve been out of the house for too many hours and time for my daily orgasm has vanished. Well that didn’t take too long to lose my way!
Day three – more hours in the day today so I made up for yesterday by having two glorious orgasms today.
Day…day…I’ve forgotten what day it is. Anybody know what day I started this? No? Oh well, daily orgasms shouldn’t be restricted to only 30 days.
One day a little later – yay, he helped me with my orgasm challenge. I did have to point out it was a daily orgasm challenge and not a daily masturbation challenge!
After the orgasm challenge
I managed to keep up with the daily challenge, not every day but those days I missed out I soon made up for. I’ve enjoyed reclaiming some time for me, I’ve become more comfortable masturbating with my partner in the house, even in the room next door but still not in the same room! I plan to keep doing now the 30 days are up, maybe not everyday because some days there is far too little time.
I’ve learn lots about myself but as the month wore on and my stress levels built I found it harder to orgasm, my mind kept flicking between fantasies so everything was disjointed. The sleepless nights were taking their toll, the tears were almost constant. Sadly orgasms weren’t enough to control my newly found anxiety. I needed proper help to reset the brain, there have been times I just haven’t been able to cope with anything, which I find incredibly difficult to admit to as I’m usually a positive thinker.
So off to the doctors I went and that is where things changed drastically for me.
Beauty's Punishment
I have drug resistant depression, so if you ever want to talk, I’m living it right there with you. There’s a genetic test that can be done to see what meds work better than the others. I had that done in February and it tells you other stuff like being at a higher risk for heart problems thanks to my grandparents.
I’ve had had a big problem with orgasms and not having them this year and the last, and my wife had to put our Hitachi’s in the safe so I wouldn’t buzz my bits off every day and nothing would get done in the house. I’d end up overheating the Hitachi and have to wait until I could use it again or just saying fuck it and finding something else to do. I think my problem is partially tied to my perimenopause. Not at all thrilled with that. So, if I could be any help to you just let me know.
Livvy Libertine
Well written. I’ve thought about trying the 30 day challenge and I just might now to see if I can track how it affects my own mental health. I do hope you’re feeling better with your anxiety soon.
Molly
Well my orgasm a day challenge has been given to me by M as part of Masturbation month although so far it has not involved much actual alone time masturbation but clearly I am not complaining about THAT! I am glad that the challenged helped you to become much more comfortable with masturbating when he is around. I think that is a hugely positive thing
Mollyx
Tabitha
Thank you so much for posting this personal piece. It’s beautiful and insightful. It was exactly why started it “reclaiming some time for me” as you so beautifully put it.
Since the 30 days ended, I have made excuse after excuse – it seems I need the push of a challenge.
x x x ❤😍❤
I really hope you feel better again soon sweetheart x x sending so much love and joy your way x x x
Jaime
I find, when unhappy, that masturbation is sometimes the only thing (other than non-solo sex) that will get me out of my thoughts and emotions and let me sleep.
So I absolutely relate to this, and I’m sorry to hear about your stress levels.
Are you likely to say what happened at the doctor?
In any case I hope you’re soon felling better!