Metal and I are long time enemies due to my allergy. This sadly means chains cannot be a kink of mine however hot the imagery of chains maybe.
However, it is the mental chains that constrain me more often. I’ve always been a fiercely independent person, right from when I was a child, I got on and did things myself. I didn’t allow anyone to control me even though deep down I needed someone to.
Does that make me a bad submissive? According to some people, yes it does. Do I care if that’s how they feel? No, what works for some, doesn’t work for everybody. I couldn’t possibly submit to just anybody. I need trust and security and whilst I happily surrender some parts of me willingly, some parts need to be forcefully removed. I am not a domestic goddess, I will not wait on somebody hand and foot and I certainly won’t agree to do everything I am told. I am my own person, I know my own mind and therefore I can be a challenge.
A few years ago I met a very special person who enjoys a challenge, they have gradually taken that control away from me. I won’t pretend it has been easy for either of us as I fight against both him and myself as I struggle to let go. He has to be the most patient man in the world, he knows when to push me and also when to take a step back, wait for the meltdown to subside and be there waiting for me with his strong arms.
Mostly those moments manifest themselves in my brattiness, which is my final attempt at keeping some control. I know my cheekiness is something I’ll never lose, nor is it something either of us ever want to lose, I see the smiles and the twinkle in his eye. I also know that my brattiness is often me pushing for punishment, when I know we’ve been distracted too much and we end up neglecting each other’s needs, let’s face it life has an irritating habit of getting in the way.
Our D/s relationship is starting to move away from just in the bedroom and we’re taking a few tentative steps towards a 24/7 relationship. Both of us know it isn’t going to be a smooth transition but with each step we take a link in my chains gets broken. One day I will be totally free from them but if too many are removed in one go it’s me that breaks and I wrap myself up and hide in them again.