E is for…

by sub-Bee

Sinful Sunday

E Is For

E could be for ‘End of an era’ or maybe it should be for ‘Ending in tears’. Either way last weekend was a fairly unhappy discovery.

My kink journey started with my love of being tied down, unable to wriggle or move and being fucked hard and fast, being used as an object of pleasure.

Sadly a slipped disc in my neck and shoulder injury has made it difficult for us to enjoy rope play. Pins and needles and loss of feeling in my fingers have meant I’ve been worried about further damage from a rope tie.

Last weekend my partner asked what sort of play I’d like. I asked to be tied hard again, I’ve missed it so much so he agreed but as long as the ropes are connected to cuffs which seemed a fair compromise.

He pushed and pulled me into position, securing me so I couldn’t move. He asked how I felt and I said fine, I wasn’t, the pain was already taking over. I could hear him taking photos and I kept my tongue bitten, I wanted this…I needed this. When he finished and put the camera down it all became too much, I said I couldn’t bear it any longer and he released me instantly.

I collapsed onto the bed and cried tears of pain, once they eased the sobs of sheer frustration shook my body. The realisation I may never be able to do the thing that started me on this road of discovery. He held me in his arms for what felt like hours until I was all cried out.

I am off to see a surgeon in a couple of months but no matter what happens I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again. For me rope and being tied will have to be more flexible, it saddens me to say but I think last weekend marked the end of an era.

Written by sub-Bee

Kinky submissive who loves to share her naughty side here at atosubbee.com

You can also find me here: @sub_bee

28 thoughts on “E is for…”

  1. Exposing40 says:

    It seems to wrong to express sympathy for this after our conversation earlier where you say your at peace with this now. But I am still sad if this part of your life is over! Beautiful photo too! Xx

  2. Posy Churchgate says:

    Love the image, but not your sad story. I hope you are able to find a way to stop the pain but I also hope you can find away to have bondage without the wrong kind of agony.

  3. Marie Rebelle says:

    I am so sorry this happened to you and I really hope you can get to a point where you can handle the rope again. I can just imagine how sad you must be.

    Rebel xox

  4. O says:

    Such a wonderful, beautifully composed image with such sad words. I hope it’s OK in the end and/or this leads to new discoveries.

    O x

  5. Jade says:

    Oh Bee, I love the picture, but I’m so sad for you…but please, don’t give up too soon. I had a ruptured disc that I had to have emergency surgery on a year ago in April. I was absolutely certain that I’d never again do the things I love – rope being one of them. With patience and care, we have found ways to use rope that doesn’t hurt my back. No, I can’t do some of the insane things I did with W, but there is so much I *can* do that I never thought I would do again (walk without pain, hike, ride a bike, run – have painfree sex!) I hope that you find an option to help you.

  6. Miss Scarlet says:

    Wishing you much love and fingers crossed for a solution somehow.

  7. Aurora Glory says:

    Oh SubBee, this is so heart breaking! I really hope you are able to find a way you can enjoy rope again. Even if it has to be differently. You look absolutely beautiful tied up, this is really an incredible shot.
    Aurora x

  8. Modesty Ablaze says:

    My thoughts mirrored Tabitha’s.
    Such a shame that such a beautiful photo / situation brought tears and frustration.
    Best wishes to you both !!!
    Xxx – K

  9. KP says:

    Oh Ms Bee – but I can’t hep thinking there is more than one way to restrain a Bee, so to speak. I hope you can find a way of meeting that need other forms of restraint. xx

  10. Julie says:

    Hoping so much that the surgical opinion changes your options. A wonderful photo, but I feel sad that it caused you so much pain xx

  11. Atiya says:

    bee, i am truly sorry for what you going through.
    i hope, wish and pray that you heal and get to enjoy the ropes again…try some yoga to start..you never know, at least until you see the surgeon.
    best wishes

  12. Rebecca says:

    I hope that in the future you find a compromise which gives you the pleasure, I also hope that surgery is successful. I always try and take a positive out of a negative and the fact that you started on this journey is definitely a positive and you have grown and strengthened so many other ways. You kick advertisy x

  13. Tabitha says:

    Oh Bee, I absolutely drowned in that photo before reading those words, it took on a completely different look after I’d read.
    Such a beautiful photo. Utterly devastating afterwards. So poignant.
    Hope you heal soon šŸ’“

  14. Bibulousone says:

    Love the image but the words made me very sad for you. I hope they can do something

  15. Elliott Henry says:

    This is some photo. Maybe not the end, you never really know, but maybe the start of something new for you to find. I wish you well, Bee.

  16. Jo says:

    This is so gutting – but Molly’s right, don’t give up. The doctors you see might be able to help, and there are ways to be immobilized that don’t involve ropes (I know, they’re not the same). It’s wonderful that you have such a supportive and understanding partner who will help you cope with all of your feelings around this, and I hope there’s something that can be done medically or with therapy. xx

  17. Catherine Martinique says:

    Sorry to hear about your health issues….can be overwhelming, depressing and hopefully you will be able to find an alternative if even only temporary to the rope play.
    Sending you well wishes and happy thoughts. Captivating photo.

  18. Cousin Pons says:

    Feel so sad for you. It’s horrible when our bodies don’t let us do what we want to do.

  19. Indigo Byrd says:

    So sorry to read this Bee. I do hope that you find a forward in this. xx

  20. Wriggly Kitty says:

    Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. I hope you find other ways to, at least partially if not fully, scratch that itch xxx

  21. Malflic says:

    Very sad and hugs if you want them. Perhaps tje surgical consult will be better tjan your dared hope for.

  22. Molly says:

    Oh no that made me sad for you. Don’t give up though, you might be surprised what the doctors can do

    Mollyx

  23. Victoria Blisse says:

    Great big hugs to you. Here’s to the continuation of your journey, to finding new favourites.Endings are sad but new beginnings are exciting.

  24. May More says:

    I do understand a little of what you feel – I came late in the day to know that I loved being tied, whipped used etc. then 20 mths ago I damaged my leg, unrelated, and now we have to be careful when doing such play – it seems unfair.
    Great photo Bee x

  25. Kayla Lords says:

    ((HUGS)) Oh honey, I am SO sorry.

  26. LittleSwitchBitch says:

    My heart breaks for you – I really hope someone somewhere fixes you and you get back to what you love most. Sending so much love your way Xx <3

  27. Cara Thereon says:

    Oh Subbeeee. Iā€™m just heartbroken for you here. Hugs to you

  28. John Brownstone says:

    Love the photo, not so much the story behind it. Any pain caused by disk problems is terrible. Is surgery the only option? I have 4 bulging disks and have been helped by steroid epidurals.

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